


I Thought I was Gonna Marry Her

by Flufferdoodle



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Post-The Blood of Olympus, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:24:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flufferdoodle/pseuds/Flufferdoodle
Summary: It's hard to date the person who stars in all your nightmares. It's hard to move on.





	I Thought I was Gonna Marry Her

At first, Percy and Annabeth needed each other. Nobody else understood what they had seen. Nobody else understood what they had done. Nobody else understood who they left behind.

Tartarus, the sacrifice - the entire quest to stop Gaea had been shared among the seven, but Percy and Annabeth solely carried the harshest burdens.

And so their relationship morphed, afterwards. Desperation. Fear. Abandonment. They had to be together at all times, had to feel each other, look into each others’ eyes and _know_ that it was over. The Death Mist was gone. They were alive. Together. Tartarus ended; they escaped and saved the world once more.

The nightmares, they were certain, would fade over time. The kids from Hypnos’s cabin assured them so, an offered different herbs and potions for when the nights grew too difficult. Percy and Annabeth _had_ to sleep together. Waking up alone would hurt too much.

However, time wore on, and the two grew no less desperate. But now they felt starved. Starved for human connection elsewhere; they fought more and more. Being together hurt, but not as much as being apart. Every conversation fell apart at the mention of Tartarus, the lifeline they shared and could never sever.

Annabeth woke up screaming. She, compared to Percy, had made massive improvements. The next step in healing was a bit difficult to make, though, when the object of her nightmares rested beside her.

Every night, images would swarm, more real, more vivid than they had been in Tartarus. Akhlys, suffocating in her own tears and spit, poison drowning her. Percy kneeling, one hand pushing against the ground, his eyes screwed shut in concentration, mouth baring pointed teeth, his entire body evaporating in the Death Mist. Everything swirling, spinning, Percy at the center. Any and all light was sucked into his trap as the darkness - not pretty, clear darkness of a full moon’s night, but instead the disgusting, snivelling, sliming black ooze of decay in caves - not just _the_ darkness, but _Percy’s_ darkness - flooded forward, consuming everything.

Afterwards, Percy giddy, fazed, his face shining, hands shaking.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Had he said that?

Had he meant that?

Annabeth could never be sure. All she remembered was fear. As they bounded through the Mansion of the Night, she wasn’t sure whether her eyes were closed to escape the horrors in the darkness or the one holding her hand.

She would wake up, Percy drooling next to her, and she would examine his calm face, mentally superimposing that awful image onto it. He looked tortured in sleep, wracked by nightmares of that same horrible pit, and she would weep.

Annabeth didn’t want to break up with him. Their friends saw them as one; they were whole together. She didn’t want to hurt him. It wasn’t his fault - what happened, it wasn’t anyone’s fault but Gaea’s. It wasn’t his fault he was like that. He did so much good. How could she not forgive him of this one vice?

Percy killed a goddess.

Percy killed an immortal being. In Tartarus.

To save her.

Piper came closest to understanding; Percy frightened her, but he did it for the greater good. But that didn’t change anything.

Annabeth tried so hard to make peace with it. They killed monsters together, every day. Kronos. Percy cut Ares when he was _how_ old? Piper, Jason and Leo killed Gaea together, up in the sky. Their lives were built on doing the impossible, on murdering and brawling, their bodies composed of bruises and scars.

All of them held unnerving powers. How could they not, being children of the gods? Piper could talk anyone into anything, bend any living creature to her will. Leo could build complicated weaponry and machines out of mere scraps in a matter of hours, putting all mortal inventions to shame as a teenager. Jason could fly and summon lightning, swirl together hurricanes with the blink of an eye. Frank could shapeshift into any creature imaginable, could go into a rage that made him invincible. Hazel could summon metals, understood tunnels by simply being in them, and utilize the Mist in ways that Annabeth could merely dream of.

Percy was no different. He was powerful, too, and he did nothing unforgivable.

And Annabeth? She had her inhumane intelligence. She understood puzzles, problems, could weave, could build, could create. She was the daughter of wisdom. And she understood that Percy meant no wrong to her. He never would.

Her mind told her that while what Percy did was horrifying in every way imaginable, it was for the greater good. He did what was best. He would never do it again. (Unless he had to, a voice whispered. Unless he felt he had no choice. But that would never happen again, right?)

Her heart simply showed her his face, tightened in agony and energy, swirling poison, killing misery.

Every waking moment spent with him she feared. She feared Rachel Dare would show up with Ella, sharing another prophecy, more dangerous than the last, and she would have to journey with him and see him do it again. She feared he would miss the power, that he would slip away and test his limits. She feared that he may lose control.

And, oh, she loved him, but love and fear don’t always mix.

 

\---

 

The break-up broke Percy.

Annabeth immediately threw herself back into her friends, spending more time with Piper and Jason, with her siblings, with the younger campers. She spent more time in the Big House, organizing events. She Iris-messaged Reyna and discussed the possibility of studying architecture in New Rome, or living there and attending college nearby. She unearthed her past - her “Before Percy” - and sought out a future, one she never was sure she could have.

Percy fell apart, spending day in and day out in his cabin, unable to sleep. He stopped eating. Stopped training. Every now and then, a camper would swear they saw his ghost dive into the sea, failing to re-emerge.

His friends couldn’t get through to him. Piper’s comforting words drifting through his cabin door fell on deaf ears. Jason’s demands that he get over himself - that he come out and face his problems, that he at least try and spar, once, that’s all it took, once - went nowhere.Travis and Connor's elaborate pranks failed to elicit any sort of reaction from him. He was dead to the world.

Enter Nico di Angelo, king of misery and grudges. If anyone could get through to Percy, Piper figured, it would be him.

Of course, Nico scoffed at the idea. Percy Jackson couldn’t be healed by _him_. He needed someone more capable, better with people. If Piper couldn’t do it, who could?

“Someone who understands what he’s going through,” Aphrodite’s daughter snapped.

 

\---

 

Nico sat opposite Percy, studying him.

No, he wasn’t quite a corpse yet. Nico had seen plenty of those. But the gangly limbs, pale disposition, slight bloatedness from refusal to move, miserable aura - all that was on point.

“Percy,” Nico said steadily, unsure of what the Hades he was supposed to say.

No reaction.

“Percy, look at me.”

Nico saw his arm tense slightly and sighed. He was never good at comfort, and Percy? Percy was too important. He was going to screw this up, and Percy would never speak to him again.

 _Or he wouldn’t try, and Percy wouldn’t speak to anyone again. But then, wouldn’t Nico be on their playing field? Wouldn’t he no longer be a_ disgrace _to the person he loved so much?_

Nico edged closer, and reached out to rest his hand on Percy’s arm. “Come on. Look at me, Percy. You can do it.” No reaction.

Two minutes later Nico almost stood up and left, ready to tell Piper that he couldn’t do it. But then Percy twitched.

“I can’t stop thinking about it.” His voice was hoarse and cracked, like he hadn’t used it in, well, the month it’s been since the breakup.

“It?”

“Tartarus.” The name came out barely a whisper, yet it carried all Nico needed.

He opened up his arms and pulled Percy in close, awkward arms uncertain how to hold him but determined to show that he knew.

 

\---

 

Nico knew that he was there to heal Percy, but Percy wasn’t talking, and all he could think about was that sharing stories with Reyna had helped them bond. So Nico started talking about Tartarus.

Yeah, sure, he was probably making matters worse, but really, how could they _get_ worse? What else was he supposed to do?

The stories came out difficult, at first. Percy as curled up like a cat next to him, face buried in Nico’s jeans, refusing to look up. Nico rested his fingers in his unruly black hair, and he ignored how greasy and tangled and just _gross_ it was. Of course, he shouldn’t have been too surprised that the son of Poseidon had neglected hygiene along with everything else in the world.

Nico explained how he learned about the Doors of Death. He talked about entering Tartarus, alone, but feeling that his life was so meaningless anyways that he had to at least do this. He hadn’t meant to go in as he did - it just pulled him in when he came too close. He had no choice. But it was better that way; everybody else had a purpose for Tartarus to suck up. Nico had none.

He talked about the Phlegethon, and drinking from it for the first time. He talked about the first blister he saw, and being too scared to pop it. He talked about Akhlys.

He talked about escaping, finally being free, just to find out it was all a trap. He was in a golden jar with nothing but his pomegranate seeds.

Nico fell silent, kneading his hands through Percy’s hair.

“And then you fell in,” he whispered. “With Annabeth. And gods, I wanted to go in after you, to protect you and be with you and to guide you back if you-if you died. But I had to promise. And I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t face it again.”

Maybe it was Nico’s imagination, but he could’ve sworn Percy mumbled something back.

 

\---

 

Nico had been stopping in for four days before Percy properly sat up and looked at him. His eyes burned, sea green and deep, the weight of the world resting inside them. His hair, greasy and gross, stuck up in any and all directions. His hollow cheeks were as pale as milk. He looked sick.

“You saved my life in Tartarus,” Percy said, raspy voice shaking. “Bob.”

Nico nodded. “You told me.”

“I left him to die.”

“You had no choice.”

“I left him and Damesan both to die. In Tartarus.”

Nico shook his head. “You did not leave them to die. They sacrificed themselves for you, Percy.” Some part of him wanted to say _“so you better honor them better than this,”_ but more guilt was not what Percy needed. “They sacrificed themselves because you inspired them. Because you showed them the good in the world, the way to defy Fate. You broke them out of their previous miserable lives and gave them light.”

“I hadn’t even thought of Bob,” Percy whispered.

Nico shrugs. “You give yourself too little credit. You cared about him when he was there. You were not perfect, Percy. But nobody can be. You had so much going on - you won the Titan War and finally had freedom, and then were sucked away in a mess of amnesia. You could’ve done better.” Nico wasn’t sure where all this was coming from, or if it was good, but he felt he couldn’t stop at this point. “But you did nothing _wrong_. You saved the world. You had the right to be selfish for a while.”

Percy shook his head. “I didn’t deserve him.”

 _You deserve the world_.

“You don’t get to decide what you do and don’t deserve.” Nico cautiously rose his hand, unsure if he should reach out or not.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“I’ve done nothing, Percy.”

Percy shook his head.

 

\---

 

“I thought I was going to marry Annabeth.” Percy poked at the spaghetti on his plate with a fork. Day seven. Time to eat again.

“Makes sense,” Nico commented, shrugging off his jacket. Jason had mentioned that Nico had looked a lot better over the past couple days, to which Nico gave him a blank, confused stare. But maybe he was right. Nico felt better now. He’d spent more time in the sun, talked to other kids more in the evenings, been almost _social_ during his time away from Percy.

“After seeing New Rome and all the families there and the university and the futures and just… I thought I could marry her. I thought we’d find happiness.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know.”

“Why’d you break up?”

Percy dropped his fork. “I scared her.”

“What, waking up with nightmares?”

“No. In Tartarus.”

Nico blinked. How Percy, fun-loving, sweetheart, loyal _Percy_ could measure up to the horrors of Tartarus was beyond him.

“How?”

“I killed Akhlys.”

Nico blinked again. “Can you explain?”

And Percy did. The desperation, the Death Mist, the poison. The curses, the wounds. Annabeth’s blindness and the abandonment. Meeting Akhlys. The power.

His eyes grew glossier as the story went on. Him drowning Akhlys in her own snot and tears, the poison flooding around him. Feeling so _powerful_ , so _angry_. Afterwards, feeling so dazed and empty, but there was Annabeth to fill the void. Annabeth, terrified.

Nico listened, chin resting on his knee.

“I told them, after you two fell in, that if anyone could make it out it would be you two because you’re the most powerful demigod I know,” Nico said. “And every day, you prove that to be true.”

“That’s not necessarily a good thing.”

“It’s not a bad thing either. It’s just a thing, Percy. Annabeth was in danger and you did the only thing you could think of. You’re a demigod. We all do jacked things all the time. Hades, Percy, I talk to dead people and wander through the Underworld _constantly_. And when I’m in danger I summon friggin’ skeleton armies. It’s part of who we are.”

“That wasn’t a good thing I did, though.”

“And once again, it wasn’t a bad thing. It was a thing, it happened, and Akhlys had it coming anyways. You saved yourself and Annabeth, and then you saved the world. Percy, it’s okay.”

For the first time since Nico started visiting, Percy started crying.

“I thought we were going to get married,” he sobs. “And I… I’m no better than a monster. You don’t get it. At that moment, I fit in. I was part of Tartarus. I _belonged_.”

_And you would’ve clawed your way to the top of the food chain._

“What about Damasen, Percy?” Nico wasn’t sure whether or not he would be good to bring up. He didn’t want Percy feeling _worse_. “He lived in Tartarus, became a part of it. He was good.”

“I let him die.”

“Not this again. Percy, he was so good he sacrificed himself for you. And he was part of Tartarus.”

“He belonged up here, though. With the stars and a ranch and-”

“And you do too. You weren’t happy in Tartarus. You never would be. You’re like Damasen.”

“Damasen sacrificed-”

“Percy, you idiot, how many times have you sacrificed _yourself_ for others?”

Percy picked his fork up again and twirled spaghetti around the prongs, never actually taking a bite.

 

\---

 

Nico dragged Percy out to the lake two weeks in and shoved him down into the water.

It was the dead of night, when no other campers would see or harass them. The Naiads may give some trouble, sure, but whatever. It was water. Water was good.

Percy didn’t respond for a moment, and Nico silently worried that all the broodiness had somehow sapped Percy’s underwater powers. However, his legs kicked a moment later and the black haired boy disappeared.

When he finally surfaced again, Percy looked much, _much_ more alive.

Nico grinned.

 

\---

 

“I haven’t slept in a while. Like, actually slept,” Percy confessed one night. Nico fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah. And-and waking up without Annabeth makes it worse,” Percy admitted. “I keep thinking she’s gone. Dead.”

“Well, there’s not much to be done about that,” Nico said. “Want to try a potion from Clovis?”

“No. Those stopped helping a while ago.”

“Oh.”

Later, Piper smacked him and told him that was his cue to sleep _with_ Percy. Nico’s face burned.

“No, not like that! I- you know what I meant!” she screeched.

 

\---

 

Percy couldn’t sleep still. He tossed and turned and cried, breathing laboured. Nico sat up next to him, disgruntled at his _own_ loss of sleep, before simply throwing his arms around the boy and pinning him down.

Percy didn’t make a peep after that, his face relaxing.

 

\---

 

“Hey Piper,” Percy said, loosely walking over to the lava wall.

Piper gaped in shock. Oh, sure, Percy looked like Nico after they rescued him - pale, thin,  gangly and gawky, but _holy Aphrodite he was outside and spoke to her_ . It’d been two _months._

“Percy! It’s good to see you- how are you?” Stupid. Stupid. He was gonna break down.

“Ah… not great.” He smiled his lopsided smile, guilt surfacing in his eyes. “But, felt like a good day to go outside. Had to do something.” He carried on to the lava wall.

She darted back to the courtyard to share her findings with Jason, who whooped, and two hours later found the couple along with Percy, Leo and Calypso enjoying a picnic at the edge of the forest.

 

\---

 

“Let’s go catch a movie.”

Nico looked up from his book. “What?”

“Let’s get out of here and go watch a movie,” Percy said. He’d been tossing a baseball up and down, laying flat on his back next to the lake. “I wanna go do something.”

“Uh, okay. Um. I’m not… should I grab Jason too?”

“Nah. Just us.”

“Oh… okay. Um.” Nico felt a sudden wave of nervous nausea. “Alright. When?”

“Now.” Percy jumped up and led him off.

 

\---

 

“Your hair’s really soft,” Percy muttered one night. They were cuddled together, wrapped up in each other’s presence.

Nico still wasn’t quite used to the extra warmth, and typically kicked off the blankets as soon as Percy fell asleep. But the touch was nice.

“Thanks,” Nico whispered back. “Now go to sleep.”

“I miss Annabeth.”

Nico’s heart constricted. “Yeah, that’s to be expected.”

Silence settled between them, with only their breathing disrupting the quiet.

“I think it’s better this way, though,” Percy said a moment later.

“Really?”

“Yeah. She’ll find someone smart, like her. Who doesn’t remind her of-”

The word Tartarus had become taboo over the past couple weeks, Nico noted. Percy was finally feeling better, going out and spending time with his friends, and he seemed to think that any mention of the quest against Gaea would crash everything.

“She’ll find happiness,” Nico said. “You will too.”

“I thought I was going to marry her.”

“You say that a lot.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“You know what else is true?” Nico said.

“What?”

“You need to sleep.”

 

\---

 

Percy’s tan returned, and his dark hair glistened in the sun. He started sparring, constantly testing his talents against Jason and Clarisse. He joined the group for the campfire sing-alongs, even coaxing Nico to join a few times.

He filled out again, all lean muscle and strong lankiness, spending his time diving, teaching, and climbing the lava wall. The younger campers latched onto him.

At night, he slept with Nico. The dark made him nervous, and every now and then he’d wake up screaming. But he was better.

And Nico felt less alone. He had started confiding his own problems in Percy to fill the silence, to calm him down when the memories hit a bit too hard. He found his own burden lessened as he explained the difficulties of growing up now despite being from the 1940s. He explained his mom, his rocky relationship with his dad and Persephone, how lucky he felt to have Hazel.

All the while, his heart grew heavy and fluttery all at once, what with Percy’s sea green eyes staring into his, hanging onto every word. What, with Percy’s strong, calloused hands clinging to Nico, with his messy hair tickling Nico’s chin, with his warmth fueling Nico’s impossible crush.

 

\---

 

Percy took the time to appreciate Nico. His skin had turned from pasty white back to its natural olive, his brown eyes no longer seemed so pained, his arms and legs no longer looked so stickly and awkward. He had grown. His curly hair appeared clean and neat, his black clothes no longer felt so gloomy. He smiled more.

He was beautiful, Percy realized.

 

\---

 

“I thought I was going to marry Annabeth,” Percy muttered one night, curled up in the corner of his bed. He had just received news that she was engaged. She finished her undergrad degree, headed to graduate school the next year. But before then, marriage. Fast marriage. Some Roman Percy didn’t know.

“I’m going to slap you if you say that again,” Nico threatened once more.

“But-”

“No buts.”

“I worry I’m not going to find anyone.”

At that, Nico looked pissed. Percy could only wonder why until the younger teen had crushed his mouth against his.

Percy panicked, scrambling back when Nico shoved himself off, dark eyes staring straight into his soul.

“Hades, Percy, you’re dense,” he snapped and marched out.

Percy could do nothing but watch as his cabin door slammed. He fell asleep in a fit, nightmares not centering around Tartarus for once.

 

\---

Nico didn’t return for a while. When he finally did, it was 2 o’clock in the morning and Percy was panicking, thrashing in his sleep.

That morning, he woke up in Nico’s arms.

And he kissed him.

 

\---

 

“Percy?” Nico said, staring out at the sunset. Another summer starting.

The two laid side by side, propped up on their elbows.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m gonna marry you.”

  
“I think so too.”

**Author's Note:**

> man buddy lemme tell you i think will solace is cute and all but goddamn percabeth has never sat quite right with me. i love annabeth. so much. and i love percy. sO MUCH. but they just never seemed right together. too much of a personality clash imo.
> 
> thalia and percy is another pairing i really support but i have not had enough thalia in my life to really write anything and damn she fits the whole hunters of artemis role well
> 
> and like i love jason and percy too but like jason and piper
> 
> and just  
> percy/nico  
> so good  
> those two stupid nerds  
> love them
> 
> anyways i need to read the trials of apollo still so who knows maybe i got some out of date info
> 
> also i should probably like, get my works beta'd or something. or at least proofread more than once. oh well whatevs


End file.
